About Parenting: Fatherhood

I have a slight case of scoliosis (curvature of the spine) for which I blame that very Jamaican (?) practice of transporting many heavy bags of groceries by hand for far distances. When I lived in Montreal, I did this for several years: four bags in the left hand, five in the right. So now my right shoulder is slightly lower than my left.

I bring this up not to carp, but to highlight one of several roles I played as a father: the hunter-gatherer, if you will. It was a role I accepted without protest. I was also the resident coupon-clipper and the grocery list-maker. I was home every day. I was the resource person and one of the disciplinarians. Yeah, I was the father.

No, I was not the perfect father: I could have shown a bit more emotion; I could have told them I loved them more often; I could have hugged my kids a thousand times more; perhaps I shouldn't have shouted at my daughter when I reached her at 2:00 am in the morning and ordered her to come home- "Get home right now!" (A little cultural sensitivity training would have set me straight that parties don't start until midnight, for example).

But I was there! I went to all the parent teachers meetings; spoke to teachers and discussed grades in imperfect French; helped them with their homework -even when they laughed to their mother about my French pronunciation ("Daddy said this...Ha ha ha ha!); and I traveled with my son to chess tournaments. I did all this without spanking my children once!

And what do men like me get in return? Women referring to us as "always whining," or as one woman panelist said -on the TV Ontario program, The Agenda ("Shame, Confessions and Telling the Truth About our Kids")- men are "always waiting for applause" for things we are supposed to do. And frankly I am tired of such low blows. If this were a football match these women would be penalized for unsportsmanlike conduct: taunting ( and red-carded in soccer).

In the end I agree with the male panelist who quoted somebody-or-the-other who said that if your children turned out well then you were a good father. I can live with that: my kids are perfect.

I am not asking for much. All I am asking for is a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T.